kitsune106

Fourth Mission

2007-07-07T20:54:00Z

A mission that goes in a story from "That Series."

Chronicles of PPC Agents Naomi and Drake
Chapter 4: Once more into the YIFF

Naomi walked back to her RC from the SO’s office, arriving much sooner then she would have wanted, as she was thinking about what sort of punishment the SO had in store for her. And it wasn’t her fault. Sure, her partner had gone into a deleting story to retrieve Sues to kill later, but her partner for that mission had been a OFU coordinator, and although the Flowers that Be were ticked, her partner had offered to let her visit, which had cheered her up.

Naomi suddenly found herself in front of her RC, and entered, and stopped.

“DRAKE!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?”

“What does it look like?”

“It looks like you’re preparing to violate the rules for this…. Wait.”

Naomi groaned, and headed over to the Console, where their latest mission’s fic was still up, steeled herself and looked it at.

“WHAT? This author’s nuts. What was she on?”

Drake looked up from the gun he was cleaning.

“I have no clue, but I think I can cure her of that prob…”

“No. We don’t do that, no, give me that gun.”

A brief tussle for the gun ensured, before Naomi was able to pry Drake’s fingers from it.
Naomi then looked at the console.

“Don’t worry, I already set everything.”

Drake attempted to step past Naomi and through the already opened portal, but she stopped him, suspicious.

“Hang on, Drake.”

Naomi looked at the settings, and frowned, then turned around.

“DRAKE! Just NO! No wolverines for this.”

“But there are wolverines in this story!”

“Just one, Drake, just one, and leave the gun there.”

Drake grumbled, but moved away from the gun.

“Okay, let’s see.”

Naomi adjusted the console then nodded.

“Okay, time to go.”

Naomi grabbed Drake and dragged him into the portal.

~~~

The agents arrived into blackness, both of them disguised as arctic foxes. Naomi had already covered her ears, but Drake, who was fuming, had not.

“All characters (C) Bryan Jacques; used without permission.” came from nowhere. Drake jumped, as Naomi glared.

“Okay, now that you’re back on hand – er, paw, we can begin. The disclaimer looks okay, at least.”

“It is, mostly, but look at that.” Drake pointed at the tiny Deepcoiler, who was hissing and looking very surprised at having popped abruptly into existence. “Is that what I think it is?”

Naomi sighed. “Yep, it is. A Mini-Deepcoiler of the author. That is trouble.”

Drake continued to ramble on about Suethors, as Naomi looked at their surroundings, which were, as of yet, a plain whitish environment thanks to lack of description.

“Drake? DRAKE!”

“Ow! Hey, you didn’t have to hi-”

“Can it. We have a problem.”

Naomi released her vulpine paw from Drake’s muzzle, and pointed to the source of the problem.

The scene had turned dark, as “The wolverine snarled and bit savagely into a half-cooked thrush, tearing a feathery mouthful out and chomping on it as he scanned the darkness.” However, as no other setting had been described, the rest of the area was still blank, although by now, the army that had been described appeared. The two agents gulped, and then started to sneak closer, feeling very unsure.

“Hold, it.” Naomi whispered to Drake, “we should be safe for the moment.”

The two of them had stopped near the edge of the horde, and were out of earshot of the wolverine. Naomi was not yet sure whether the wolverine was possessed, but she didn’t want to take any chances.

“”Lord Gulo, Captain Shard has returned. He brings captives with him."”

Drake growled, as he listened to Gulo’s captain, a white fox, order the prisoners brought out.

“Is that canon? The taking of prisoners? He doesn’t strike me as the type. And what do Suethors have against foxes?”

Naomi groaned. “Actually, yeah, it is canon. Gulo wanted them to tell him where the Walking Stone was, but he didn’t torture them. At least not yet, he might have done later, but if I remember it right they got rescued pretty quickly.”

“A walking stone? I thought this place didn’t have magic. And that’s a charge then, right?”

Naomi scribbled down “Charge of uncanonical torture to use as excuse for adult activity”.

“Definitely a charge. And the Walking Stone is a turtle, Drake.”

“What, you mean that a fearsome warlord like him is out ravaging Mossflower looking for his pet turtle?”

Naomi sighed.

“Yes, and trust me you do not want to know about the foxes,” as Armel, a squirrel, and Brookflow, an otter, were brought out to be inspected. Naomi’s eye caught part of the Words, and she started to shout.

“THAT’S DIS-”

“Quiet, we don’t need attention.”

Various curses were Naomi’s reply to Drake’s order. The vermin turned to look, but luckily, they did not spot the Agents, and soon returned to what they were doing.

Drake got off the still grumbling Naomi, who climbed back to her feet.

“I can’t believe it.”

Drake nodded. “Yeah. It doesn’t make sense, and why would he want it to swell now, we have sheathes for a reason. And, what, he needs a female that badly? Doesn’t he have paws?”

Naomi blanched, and searched franticly in her backpack for her Bleeprin.

“I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t.”

“I mean, Naomi, I doubt he even has enough blood for that. Why don’t they give a number of inches and be done with it? That’s about the only thing which could make this more annoyi-”

“Drake?”

“Yes, Naomi?”

“Just… shut up!”

“But…”

“SHUT UP!”

Naomi growled at Drake, who wisely shut up, but only because he was now staring the words, while Naomi was muttering, “Volcanic lust? That must hurt,” trying desperately not to look over at Gulo’s glowing thing just to confirm it, but instead concentrated on the charges.

“Charge of improper use of words.”

“What?! That’s, that’s…..”

Drake sputtered, then started cursing again, causing Naomi to look again, where Shard had dragged Brooky away and Gulo had decided to take advantage of Armel the squirrel maid.

“Just plain wrong. I mean, Naomi?”

“Yes?”

“They’re prey! He’s a carnivore! What he is planning to do is like, it’s like … you doing it with your food. Like, you eat pigs, right? So it’d be like you and a pig … you know.”

Naomi stared, then started to turn green as the thought ran through her brain.

“That’s disgusting!”

“I know. That or using a chicken leg to-”

“I GET THE PICTURE!” Naomi focused hard, trying to keep her mind off the food, and her food inside her. “It’s bad enough without that! I mean, even in Mossflower, there is a definite size difference between small female squirrels and large male wolverines. He should kill her if he tries to-”

“I say we kill him first.”

“No. DOWN WITH THAT, DOWN!!!!!!”

Naomi managed to wrest the sporks from Drake just in time.

“No killing the canon characters, you know that.”

“But they’re definitely not can…”

“We don’t know that yet.”

“Prove it.”

Naomi fumed, but grabbed her Character Analysis Device, aiming it at Gulo.

[“BEEEEP!!!!! Gulo the Savage. Canon??? Please consult with your local manufacturing department.”]

The CAD’s shrill sound died as the screen went blank, and smoke issued from it.

“Well, that’s never happened before, but then, I doubt they were meant for such a fic.”

Drake was still looking at Gulo, and muttering. “What the heck? Definitely impossible biology.”

Naomi didn’t look this time, but listed the charge.

“Naomi, what do we do with them? I mean, if they are surrounded by vermin, how do we get them away?”

“Not sure. Hang on, I know who might know. Remember Laburnum and Foxglove? Those girls we ran into outside the Temple?”

“The ones who hang out with the weasel and stoat?”

“Yeah. I’ve heard of them, a while back they had a run-in with a bunch of vermin whose victims they tried to save. I think they might know a way to do this.”

Naomi got out her laptop, logged into the PPC search engine, and looked for Laburnum and Foxglove’s email address. She found it and quickly typed out an email to them.

Next thing, the scene changed. The agents were in the undergrowth near a mob of vermin, Brooky the otter pinned down in the middle. The disorientation had given Naomi enough time to pin down Drake, as Shard tied Brookflow up, and tore open her smock.

“Let me go! I have to stop that Sue creature from ruining the good reputation of foxes.”

“No, Drake. That’s wrong.”

“And why is he removing all his clothes? That is totally illogical. I mean, they are in enemy terrority, and what if someone shows up to rescue her while he doesn’t have a weapon on him? You just don’t do that.”

Naomi sighed, and patted Drake on the back.

“Remember, Suefic. No logic.”

Naomi’s eyes glazed over as she checked the Words. Drake, still glaring, followed her lead, then swore.

“‘White ermine’? That’s redundant. I mean, aren’t they white by definition?” Naomi wrote down the charge of “redundancy and silly phrasing”.

“But Naomi, maybe she just thinks she needs to define it properly. I mean, from what I’ve seen, what you call ‘white’ humans are more sort of pink. Not that I want to defend her, but maybe this time she’s just trying to be accurate?”

Naomi groaned. “Cut it out please, Drake. Wait, they ‘wolverine-whistled’? What’s that? I know what a wolf-whistle is, but that’s just a stupid pun.”

“Hmmmm, might be to show that one appreciates the way they look, referring to the edibility, especially since I think you said Gulo is a cannibal? A fox-whistle would be appreciation of sneakiness ...” Drake heard Brooky scream again. He spun round to look and cursed.

Naomi mentally groaned, wondering why she was given a non-human partner. Her laptop suddenly beeped.

“Looks like they responded.”

She opened it up, and read the email.

“Naomi; Open the portal right underneath the victim, so she and her attacker drop out in front of you. Knock them out really quickly, then stick the neuralyser up through the portal, zap the rest of the vermin, and close the portal. Then do the usual exorcism and memory wipe on Shard and Brooky. Do NOT go in among the vermin and try to fight them. There’s too many of them, it won’t work. Trust me. See ya! Foxglove.”

“It says we need to portal them both out and then neuralyze them.”

Silence greeted her, and when she looked back up, Drake had vanished, although Bryan the Mini-Deepcoiler was staring towards the vermin mob and hissing at something.

“Drake? Drake …?”

Bryan hissed louder. Naomi looked at him, then looked at what Bryan was hissing at.

“DRAKE!!!!!”

Drake had broken cover, leapt out into the middle of the mob of vermin, dragged Shard off Brooky by the scruff of the neck, and started screaming at him and hitting him in the face.

“You –” SLAP! “– are a disgrace –” SLAP! “– to the vulpine –” SLAP! “– species!”

Fortunately, the vermin were too stunned to react, although Naomi knew she would have to do something very quickly. She made a mental note to thank Foxglove, and opened up a portal beneath Drake, Shard and Brookflow. The three creatures fell through it, landing in a heap in front of her. Drake now had his claws around Shard’s neck, while Shard was scratching frantically at Drake’s face. Brooky was still sobbing in terror and staring at the two wrestling foxes. Naomi ignored them and thrust the neuralyser through the portal. One flash, one closed portal, and the vermin were clear of all memory of the incident. Naomi still had to shut Drake and Shard up before the vermin regained their senses and the noise attracted their attention and caused even more trouble, but this she knew how to do.

“Drake?”

“Yes?”

Drake turned, to meet Naomi’s backpack coming the other way, which sent him down.

“Err, sorry about that.” Naomi apologized to both of the startled canonicals. “Now then.” She swung her backpack twice more, stunning both of them. “Sorry about that.”

Naomi tied Shard to a tree and gagged him, then tied Brookflow’s footpaws together and her paws behind her back.

“Sorry about this, Brookflow, but we need to be sure you’ll still be here after we get Gulo. At least we got to you before anything really happened.”

Bryan hissed again, and Naomi whipped her head around, to see Drake had used the remote activator, and was in the process of slipping through a small portal.

“DRAKE!!!”

Naomi lunged for him, but the portal had already closed before she could grab the crazy fox.

Fortunately, the RA was still on the ground, and Naomi reset it to open up another portal for her to enter through.

She arrived in time to see her partner creep up behind Armel, who was apparently being made to do something that made Naomi wince. Gulo was fortunately not paying attention to anything else, so Drake approached unnoticed.

“Is Gulo nuts? I mean, he’s already done his worst and he’s probably going to kill her anyway, she doesn’t have much to lose anymore and she knows that, she might … oh no! DRAKE, DON’T …!!!!!!”

“BOO!!!!!”

There was a muffled squeak from Armel, and a very non-muffled howl of agony which faded slowly into whimpering from Gulo.

Naomi reacted too late, as Drake had already surprised Armel. The scare caused the squirrelmaid to clench her jaws shut. Considering the location of her jaws at this time, and the sharpness of squirrel teeth, this wasn’t much fun for Gulo, who was now curled up, bleeding heavily. Armel was now on all fours, gagging, spitting and scrubbing blood from her mouth.

Naomi groaned, wondering what she had done to deserve seeing this sort of thing, and hurried to do damage control.

“And that’s why we don’t do those things,” Drake was saying to the injured wolverine.

“DRAKE!!! I guess I should thank you for proving my point, but WHAT THE HELL WHERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?!?!”

“Well, you just said it proves our poin-”

“YOU IDIOT!!!”

“But-”

“But nothing. Now help me get them to medical. Armel is bleeding, and we have to get Gulo to surgery. And you’re carrying the severed bit. Now get going. I’ll be behind you.”

Naomi opened the portal, and ushered the shocked Armel throught it, shoved her partner through, looked at the still-whimpering Gulo, then kicked him neatly in the back of the head.

“My partner was right though, that was stupid,” she told him matter-of-factly, ignoring the fact that, being out cold, he couldn’t hear. “Suethors are nuts.”

Naomi grunted as she dragged the now unconscious wolverine through the portal. Doctor Fitzgerald met her as she emerged in Medical.

“Is this the one who lost his equipment? Nasty, but I’ve already had to rebuild Lugworm’s this week, so I think I can get him and the squirrel maid patched up quickly.”

“Yeah, and good to hear. I think we will need to exorcise him as well. He wouldn’t have put it there if he wasn’t under the influence.”

“Okay. Bring him here.”

With Doctor Fitzgerald’s help, Naomi dragged Gulo to a medical bed. Wolverines are heavy; it took both of them to lift him onto it and the frame creaked ominously.

“Say, how did it happen?”

“Crazy partner!”

Naomi stormed over to Drake, grabbed him be the scruff of his neck and shook him.

“YOU CRAZY FOX! YOU’RE INSANE! AND NO BUTS! The SO’s gonna kill us!”

As the canonicals were patched up, Naomi paced the room, grumbling about the various horrible things the SO was likely to do to them. Drake sat quietly, polishing his railgun and ignoring her. Finally Doctor Fitz stepped back, wiped his hands and announced “Finished!”

Naomi sighed with relief. “Are they ready to go back?”

“Yes, but be careful with them. I gave Gulo a tranquiliser injection, so he shouldn’t wake up mid-exorcism, but it won’t last long. Be quick.”

Naomi thumbed the button of her RA, tossed her partner through the portal, and followed through, dragging Gulo and Armel, arriving in front of the bound Shard and Brooky.

“What now?”

Naomi was already getting the exorcism materials out from her backpack.

“Now we exorcise them. Help me out.”

The agents dumped the canonicals in a heap around the tree Shard was tied to, and scratched out a rough circle in the dirt, ignoring the muffled protests, cries of pain, and demands for an explanation from the now-conscious Shard, Brooky and Armel.

“Bells?”

“Check!”

“Book?”

“Check!”

“Candles?”

“Check!”

“Then here we go …”

The agents each held a lit candle and raised their bells.

“One … two … three …”

“GET THEE BEHIND ME, BADFIC! Thou hast no power in this continuum! THE POWER OF JACQUES COMPELS YOU!”

There was a loud “whoosh” as the Author-Wraith sprayed from the bodies of the characters and joined into the usual black, smoky, vaguely-female form.

“What?” it snarled. “What, can’t you let me have this one? It’s in character!”

Drake snarled and leaped at the Author-Wraith, trying to bite it as he shouted, “It’s not in character!”

Naomi’s copy of Rakkety Tam flew through the air and passed through the Author-Wraith, which screamed and dissolved. Naomi sighed as the Wraith dissipated, Drake still yelling “Come back here and fight like a vixen, you coward!”

The characters stirred, then looked horrified as they remembered what had happened.

“What happened? Why did I do that? Urgh …”
“WHAT DID I DO?!” There was a sound of a wolverine being sick, and Naomi had to wrinkle her nose at the smell. She definitely didn’t want to know what Gulo normally ate.

“Aahh … aah … I was … I feel sick …”

“You disgusting vermin … you almost … My dad will kill you for that!”

Naomi sighed and turned to the angry Brookflow, horrified Armel, and disgusted Shard and Gulo, donning her sunglasses as she did so.

“Sorry about that, if you could look this way…”

There was a flash, and Naomi grinned.

“Okay, now then… “

“Who are yo-” was all Gulo managed to say before a portal opened up underneath them and dumped them back near the camp.

Naomi sighed, and closed the portal, then looked over at Drake who was yelling at the Mini-Deepcoiler about Suethors, and what should be done with them. She didn’t like the way Bryan was nodding, so she headed over.

“… with a rusty spork.”

“Drake. Be quiet. We need to leave now.”

“But I was just explaining to him what should be done with Suet…”

“I said we’re going,” said Naomi firmly, and pressed the RA button.

With that, a portal opened underneath Drake and Bryan and dumped them back into the RC. Naomi grinned, reset the portal for vertical and stepped through, to be met by Drake’s glare.

“It won’t work Drake. That was a crazy mission..”

“I’d say. What is it about Suethors that make them give foxes a bad name?”

“It’s very complicated. It has to do wi-”

[BEEEEEEEP!!!]

The console beeped, and both agents and the Mini looked at it.

“I don’t know if I should look.”

Drake marched up to it, scanned the report, then started swearing.

[A/N: Naomi: Crazy partners. Crazy foxes. At least this mission is over. And the next one can’t be too bad… Oh great, I said it didn’t I. Also, who wants an author Mini-Deepcoiler? ]
[A/N: Drake: Due to censorship issues, A/N of Drake has been censored for your protection.]

kitsune106 @ 2006-10-20T19:17:00

2006-10-20T23:18:00Z

3rd Mission, and a co-mission.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Miss Kit belongs to Kyuubi Kitsune. I do not own the PPC, that belongs to Jay and Accia. ONFU also belongs to Kyuubi Kitsune. The concept of the OFUs belongs to Miss Cam. The story, “We sued to be normal” now deleted dos not belong to me.
Naomi entered her Response Center, holding a screaming froglike creature and sighed. Her partner, the humanoid fox Drake, had been Sueified, and was currently recovering. Ignoring the screaming of the holw, she looked around for earplugs. However, just as she found them…..
BEEEEEEEEP. BLEEEPING PAY ATTENTION!!!!!!!

The Console’s beep cut across the holw, and nearly deafening Naomi, who stuck the earplugs in. Muttering under her breath, and of course underneath the holw’s screaming, “Just great. When will I learn?”

She walked over and hit the button which brought up the message.
“Agent Naomi, please report to the SO’s office ASAP.”

Naomi wondered why she had been summoned, but dreaded it. Most likely she would be chewed out for what had happened with Agent Drake. She shuddered. The Flowers that Be could be cruel at times. She definitely did not want to be forced to PPC real people fics.
She sighed and headed out into the

In the So’s office, The SO waited along with another person.
Miss Kit glared at the SO, who had experienced fiercer stares, but not many. "You said I'd be getting a partner at the push of a button. Why has this not happened now?" "It seems even the
Laws of Comedy that control this place don't make allowances even for visitors," he said, trying to get on with his paperwork. "Technically, it was at the push of the button. And well, these things take time."

Naomi finally found her way through the maze to the SO’s office, and sighed at the door. She had been so nervous that she had kept thinking of the SO’s office, which of course took her everywhere except the SO’s office. She took a deep breath, opened the door then entered.
“Look. It wasn’t my fault. I did not know that my partner had been bitten. But in my defense, I didn’t have time to stop him before he took on the Sue.”

Miss Kit was silent, staring at Naomi with an expression of half-amusement and half-suspicion. "Do not fret, Agent Naomi. We are merely assigning you a new partner until your usual recovers from his little ordeal," The SO said, radiating an air of irritation and perpetual paranoia. "This is Miss Kit, from the Official Fanfiction University for Naruto. "Pleasure," Miss Kit said curtly.

Naomi look ed over Miss Kit, then turned to face the SO.
“Look, it wasn’t my fault about Drake, so don’t go placing me on babysitting duty. I’ll bet she hasn’t even watched one of our training tapes.”

Miss Kit turned on her Bad Student glare. "I don't need them. Never did and never will."

Naomi sighed. “Look. MY latest partner is in the hospital at the moment, and I don’t want my next partner to be put out of action like that too. I’ve not been keeping up with OFU, so unless you happen to be running it, well, afraid I will have to decline. I don’t want to risk an incident. “

"In that case, I don't think there will be a problem," Miss Kit replied, a smug smile etched on her face.

Naomi stared. “Why not?”

"I do run it, you daft girl. Miss Kit. That's a mini in the corner," she said, pointing to the SO's right. In the corner a tiny, nine-tailed fox was curled up, eying Naomi with something approaching interest.

Namoi blanched, then looked closer, then grabbed some bleeprin.
“Sorry, did not recognize you. I was just on a yiffstar fic, dragged by my partner, and he got sued. So I’m not in the best insane mood. Why do need m? And look fox, if you bite, I’ll make a nice fox skin rug. And if you sleep, you are going into the nearest body of water, okay?”

"He'll bite no matter what you say, and he'll sleep just to be contrary," Miss Kit answered. "They're such little darlings." She grinned wickedly. "And they so adore the studets."

“I’m sure we’ll get along. So, why does the Head of the Naruto OFU need a PPC agent for? “

"Need one to going into a story. Have to protect you, ya know," she said briskly.

“And why do you need to go into the story? If it was a very bad one, there would have been an alert.”

"I asked to do this one. Correction, it was the Fanfiction Of The Week at the university and the staff asked me to do this one. They'll die...eventually," she hissed, cracking her knuckles. The mini looked up and growled in agreement, flexing his claws and yawning hugely.

“Wait? As in multiple Sues? “ Naomi turned the to SO. “Level with me. What kind of monstrosity are we dealing with and why wasn’t it brought to my attention earlier?”

"You were...stressed," The SO answered, returning to his paperwork. "We'd like our agents to remain as sane as possible for the longest amount of time."

Naomi growled, a sure sign of agent reaching rupture point, then downed another bleeprin.
“And I’m not stressed now? I just got out from a YIFFSTAR fic for Eru’s sake. “

"Don't know it, no sympathy," Miss Kit cut in. "Come on. I have a RC around here somewhere. I just have to forget where I'm going."

Naomi stared, then faced the SO again.
“Since when was she a PPC agent? Or do OFU heads get RCs now? “

"You're understaffed. I occasionally visit when I have time on my hands or when the staff assure me they have the students under control. besides, Miss Samaru is watching the sweet ickle students." Miss Kit picked up her bag and whistled for the mini, heading towards the door. "Let's go. Co-ordinates should be at the RC about...now." There was a faint screech from down the corridor, the sound of many people complaining and then the 'BEEEEEEEEEP' abruptly died.

Naomi looked at Miss Kit, then hurried after you.
“What did you do? And how is the OFU coming? I think my partner would really want to visit. That is, once he is able to.”

"What do you mean what did I do?" she asked, the mini riding on her head. Occasionally, she'd swipe away a tail from her face. "The university is fine. The semester has just start, so I should be helping out, but some students *wrote fanfiction while in the university*," she growled, eyes narrowed. "So I'm bringing back an...example. Feel free to visit. I could use some reinforcement."

Naomi stopped, then blinked, not sure she heard that right.
“Wait, you mean we’re not killing this SUE?” Naomi tried to wrap her brain around it, but failing. “Then how will we fix the canon if we don’t kill the sue?”

"I will kill her. But you don't necessarily have to kill the Sue to fix the canon. Killing is just the prefered method," she answered.

“Oh? What are those methods, pray tell?”
Naomi continued walking besides Miss Kit.

"Remove the Sue. Besides, OFUs nick off with Sues all the time."

Naomi nodded. “That would work, I think. What can you tell me about this Sue? Although it can’t be worse then an incestual orgy. And if it is, I want to visit that author after you enroll her.”

Miss Kit shook her head. "No. Ever heard of...Hyuchiha? Sounds like a cold, doesn't it? Guess what it's a cross of."

Naomi groaned. “Not one of those. Let me Guess, Hyuuga and Uchiha, right? At least this one isn’t the sister of the Kyuubi.”

"No, but there's embarrassing amounts of OOC, a biiiiit of character bashing, but only a tiny chunk, oh yes. Block paragraphs, an irate author and equally irate reviewers," she answered.

Naomi brightened. “Think I can get a copy of some of those irate reviews? Although, seeing it is a badfic, it got like a hundred glowing reviews.”

"Thirteen reviews when SONPS discovered it. Four people reviewed since then. Two of the reviews are long, detailed and constructive. Only a matter of time before the author takes it down," she said, looking regretful.

“You must be really looking forward to taking it down. If an author takes it down for us, well, it is just one mission we don’t have to go on. I just wish we weren’t so understaffed at times.”

"I would imagine so. Sometimes I wonder what students are doing in my university," she replied dryly, closing her eyes and walking faster. Occasionally, she bumped in walls ("Bugger. Who put that bloody wall there?") but they ended up in front of a bloodstained door within the hour. "My RC. I cherish this place. It smells like c-c-c-coffee."

“What do you mean you wonder what students are doing in your university? Also, forget coffee, do you have any chocolate?”
Naomi’s face when she mentioned chocolate was one of intense longing.

"They don't seem to learn anything. We just instill the fear of the poker in them," she answered, reaching slowly into her pocket and withdrawing a chocolate bar. "Mmm...nummy chocolate, PPC Agent."

Naomi’s eyes followed the chocolate in almost the same way that a fanbrat would follow a hunky canon character, although minus the glomping of course.

Miss Kit smiled wickedly but handed it over. "You're almost like a mini with peanut butter."

Naomie eagerly seized it then took a bit then carefully put it into a small safety box that already had some chocolate in it, closed and locked it and put it away in her backpack.
“No. Chocolate is very very rare. Minis can find peanut Butter. PPC has very little spare chocolate.”

"I would imagine so. You'd be surprised how much peanut butter doesn't make it to the breakfast table," she said, opening the door and letting Naomi in. It was the traditional RC, grey walls and all. But this one had a table covered with pots of healing cream, kunais and empty ramen cups. "Parting gifts. But a obnoxious blond who shall remain nameless got to the ramen before I did," Miss Kit said. The mini curled up in a plush basket, while Miss Kit crossed the room to the Console. "Lessee...yup. Run along and get ready. We'll need to leave as soon as possible."

Naomi grinned. “Sounds typical of him. So, can you tell me anymore about the story? And you do have a CAD right? And a Remote, right? And are you close combat or long range? I’m the long range partner. Drake was close range, and even modified a pair of sporks, can you believe that?”

"Amazingly, yes," she answered, packing a poker into her bag. "Either or. But I like poisons. A tiny dose of curare will be good. Won't kill her, but will paralyse her long enough for me to get her back to the university." She packed a small box, patting it fondly. "Basically, a group of girls get dropped into Konoha, Hiashi greets them, tells Miss Sue her destiny and who she is, they act bratty...It's sort of hard to get through. Like walking through waist deep mud."

“Ouchies. Another Real World Sue. What time frame of Kohana? And haven’t they heard that people who appear from nowhere should not be trusted? “ Naomi’s grin become sharklike. “Especially if they are PPC agents.”

"True. I'm not sure which time frame. You get dizzy looking at it too long."

Naomi got her stuff ready and headed to the Console.
“So, what will our disguises be?”

"Generic Academy students? we just have to make sure Iruka doesn't see us accidentally," she said.

“Iruka is soo OOC that he is on canon now? Naomi was amazed. Normally the SEPF generators in the uniforms keep canon characters from noticing Agents unless they deliberately made themselves known. Of course, non-canons could still see them.

"That's what I meant by accidentally. I case we accidentally draw attention to ourselves and Iruka accidentally notices we're *incidentally* not Academy students. Purely by accident, of course," she answered sharply.

“Then we just have to get out of sight, and if the Sue is still alive, well, he will be back under Sue control. “

"Superbly observed, agent," she answered briskly, cracking her knuckles.

“So, are we ready? I want to get this over with ASAP.”

"Let's be off, then. Set the disguises, lack - agent," she corrected herself quickly.

Naomi complied, but modified the disguise a bit for Miss Kit, sttign it from lead young ninja to young male mist nin.

"We're in Konoha. Leaf nins, if you please," she said, looking over her shoulder.

Naomi quickly fixed Miss Kit’s one, but also changed it to male, then quickly went through the portal.

The mini lept after them, turning into a small dog. Miss Kit checked her pack, checked her mini and partner, then discreetly checked down the front of her pants.

Naomi started to read the Words, her eyes becoming unfocused as she did so.

Miss Kit, on the other hand, curled up into a ball and covered her ears, squeezing her eyes shut. "disclaimer: i don't own Naruto, or Dawn and Kate, they are my friends from school,. And kate is really really idiotic," exclaimed a voice brightly. Miss Kit got to her feet, albeit slightly unsteadily.

The Disclaimer rocked Naomi, knocking out of the trance and causing her to also curl up. When it was over, she also got to her feet. “I really dislike Author Voices.

"Thankfully it doesn't happen too often," she answered.

Naomi nodded. “Agreed.”

"Here it comes," she muttered, bracing herself. The story hit, the lumped together paragraths distorting the air and making it look lumpy. "I hate this place."
Miss Kit read ahead. "Uh oh. Sakura bashing ahead."

Naomi grimaced. “Just great. What does she have against Sakura anyway?”

"Probably because Sakura's on Team Seven and close to sasuke," Miss Kit replied.

“That makes sense. So, where exactly are we?”

"Hospital, by the looks of it. That's where they first break canon," she said, eyes unfocused as she read the words.

Naomi read the words, then went wide eyed, then banged her head against the wall.
“That’s both good and bad. We missed them in the real world, where Naruto is just a managa, where they would not have any charka training. Look at the words describing the scene we missed.
““Hey! Come look at this!” I called from my seat. And Dawn and Katelyn came over, on my screen was a face, it looked at us then said. “Time to return to where you belong girls…” said the Face, a bright light engulfed us, and we were gone, to a new world.”

“That” *Bang* “is “*Bang* “So” *Bang Bang Bang*

"Yes! Stop!" She exclaimed. "Or they'll land on us!"

After on last headwall, Naomi stopped, then looked over at her partner. “Sorry, but I truly dislike Real World inserts, especially those were the person supposedly knows the world from a medium. It does not give the whole picture you know.”

"I feel your pa - move!" Miss Kit dragged her behind a bench just in time. The unconscious Sues tumbled out of the plothole, nurses and doctors instantly surrounding them. "If I were them I'd give 'em a dose of something lethal."

Naomi started to dig through her bag, searching for something. “What kind of poison did you want? I got several here.”

Suddenly, the world made an odd noise, let someone let pulled a drain, and the story started to squeeze. Naomi recongized what was happening. "Look out, the story is being deleted."

Naomi called out to her partner, and grabbed her remote, opening the portal back to the PPC, and out of the dying fanfic.

"Shit! No fun!" Miss Kit scanned ahead quickly, cobbled together a hasty charge list and grabbed the Sues, tossing them one by one into the portal. Naomi was a bit shocked, but tried to grab Miss Kit.

"Come on, we have to go now."

The universe was getting smaller and smaller as the deletion effect continued.

"Just a minute!"

Miss Kit shot off down the street, surprisingly agile even on the shaky ground. She returned when the universe was no bigger than a room. "Sally forth!"

Naomi grabbed Miss Kit's arm and with the strength of a ticked off PPC agent hauled her thorough the portal and into her response center. The portal then closed, leaving them in Naomi's response center with the varoius sues. Naomi groaned.

"Why did you bring them here? Upstairs will have a fit?"

"Bcause they would have just buggered off to a different universe. And I have plans for them." Her eyes narrowed at Samantha. "Samantha Wossname, I charge you with every offense under the sun and condemn you to...attending university."

"That's not true. When a fic gets deleted, the dues are delted with it. at Least, that is what I heard, " countered Naomi.

"Fair enough. We've both heard our share of rumours. But like it or not, these are coming with me." Miss Kit handed over a brick thick block of chocolate, smiling compellingly. "They'll die...eventually."
Naomi's emotions warred over the piece of chocalte. "You promise the Sues will die painfully?"
"I'm taking them to the characters that they humiliated and marred so very much. And there will be mini-Kyuubis. And pain. And revenge. And...a lesson." Miss Kit smiled evilly. "She shall be dipped in...peanut butter."
"That sounds fair. Say, think I could be there for the peanut butter?" Naomi asked, after takign the chocolate brick from Miss Kit.
"Certainly! However, it shall be rather early in the morning and the stu - bugger. What now?" A small fox had appeared by her feet and hocked a ball of paper up. Miss Kit picked up up between forefinger and thumb, unravelling the slimy piece. "...Six new mini popped into existance. Sodding bloody hell on a cotton pogostick!"
Naomi looked over at the fox and gave it a glare.
"I assume that is one of your minis, right? Also, I would suggest you don;t do anything. My partner is a fox himself, and I have thrown him into a lake or two. And I assume that the minis are all from different stories?"
"Yes. Don't worry about Saskua. She's as gentle as can be." Saskua bared her teeth in some twisted form of a grin.
Naomi looked at the mini, then lowered her arm to let the mini smell her arm and the insanitius nitpickitus phermone on it.
The mini sniffed in interest, licking cautiously.
Naomi grinned, then looked at Miss Kit.
"PPC agents have a unique smell of old socks and blood, which seems to calm minis down. It was recently discovered. Say, may I pet her?"
"Go ahead. Don' blame me if she bites your arm off in search of the blood," Kitsune answered, reading the list of Minis.
Naomi gave the Mini a glare.
"I'm warning you, you bite, and I will throw you across the room."
Naomi reached out her hand to pet the mini.
The mini sniggered, looking rather smug. However, she allowed Naomi to pet her, evening daring a benevolent flick of her tail.
"Good mini. "
Naomi finished her petting and stood up, then looked at the mini again.
"I must tell you, I did send my fox partner into a lake for sleeping."
"That's nice. I like meeting a PPC agent with no tolerence whatsoever," Miss Kit answered. Saskua sniggered again.
Naomi turned and glared at a Sue who was getting up.
“I would not try it. I’m not in a good mood. Miss Kit, I think you had better get them out of here before security shows up.”
Naomi headed over to the Console and activated a portal to ONFU, after which the Console BEEEEPED, signaling that a new message had arrived.

"Why ever should I do that? If SO wishes to speak with me about my behaviour, I can take along Saskua." She petted the mini, who growled in agreement.

Naomi stared at Miss Kit, then hit herself.
"Duh. You're not an Agent."

"Well spotted. I suppose the department really is quite underfunded," she answered, hand slipping into her pocket. Her fist glinted off the light for a moment as her arm suddenly swung around, catching the awakening Sue in the stomach. "Down, missy." As the Sue collapsed, wheezing, Miss Kit winced and removed the brass knuckles. "No matter what you do, it always hurts."
Naomi smiled.
"Nice swing Miss Kit."
Naomi turned back and hit the button which brought up the message and read it.
"It seems the SO would like to see us in his office."
"Thank you. Come along, Saskua."
"Wait. We're forgettign something."
Naomi slugn off her backpack and rummaged through it, removign rope and gags, and handed a couple to Miss Kit.
"We first have to tidy up."
"Ohhhh, good idea." Miss Kit tied up Sam and Dawn tightly, patting them on the head. "Don't worry. It's good when your hands turn blue."
Naomi smiled, then tied up the rest of the Sues, then ofund a scrap of paper, wrote "Property of Naomi and Miss Kit. Please don't kill" and attached it to Sam.
"There we go. Should we go now?"
"If we must. Hang on to that chocolate." Miss Kit closed her eyes and began to wander down the hall. "Ho hum, I have no clue where I am going. I hope no random walls turn up out of no where, oh, dearie me, no..."
"Okay, you lead then."
Naomi followed after Miss Kit, knowing that she would be able to arrive at the SO's office quite easily.
After half an hour of walking and crashing into grey, featureless walls, Miss Kit finally bruised her hip on a doorknob. "Sonova - I think we're here."
"Ahh, I see you arrived. Come on in."
The mind voice of the SO echoed through the two. Naomi turned the doorknob, and entered the room.
"I wonder what he did with the real SO," Miss Kit mused, following her temporary partner. Saskua was staring at The SO with bright, eager eyes, tails flicking madly.
The SO looked warily at the mini, then spoke.
"I assure you, I am the real one. Now, what were you thinking?"
Miss Kit sighed, staring at the SO with eyes full of injured innocence. "Sir, I was only thinking in the best interest of the students. They are a bright, yet uneducated bunch, and I do so wish to help them learn the important lessons of writing."
"Oh? What do you plan to do with them?"
"They will be part of a vital lesson for my darling students. One that they won't forget in a hurry. It could very well result in less Sue fanfiction for this sector, sir." Miss Kit's eyes filled with tears, which was going a little overboard. "So you not care about the ickle students?"
The SO seemed to give a sigh, if Gaint Flwoers coudl sigh that is.
"If it will reduce the amount of Badfic, then it is allowed. We are badly swamped here."
Naomi let out a sigh of relief, glad she was not being punished, a bad idea.
"Naomi, why did you let this happen?"
Miss Kit nodded, wiping her eyes. "Thank you, sir."
"You're welcome. I hope we can coordinate more with your university. We could really use the help."
"Hey, it wasn;t my fault," protested Naomi. "Miss Kit ran off before I could do anything.."
"I would welcome it." Saskua emitted a rumbling growl of agreement.
The SO gave the flower equivalent of a shrug.
"That is good. Naomi, we will talk later, once your Partner is back. I think you will be ready to tackle another of That Series.. Now, you are excused."
Naomi shuddered, but turned and headed to the door. She was definetly not going to enjoy the next mission.
Miss Kit walked beside her, Saskua winding between her legs. "That was successful."
Naomi looked over at Miss Kit and attempted to give her an Elven Death Glare (TM).
"For you anyway, and you owe me. My next mission will be a dreadful one."
Miss Kit laughed. "Owe you? What now? More chocolate? There's planets covered in the stuff, ya know."
"More chocolate would be nice, but, maybe an invitation to your OFU. After my nerxt mission, a vacation would be great."
Naomi shuddered, remembering her last mission in That Series.
"Feel free to visit," Miss Kit replied.
"Ahhh, Upstairs usually frowns on impromtu visits."
Miss Kit grinned. "I don't."
"Thanks, but well, you don;t have to answer to Flowers. I do. And well, after my next mission, I will efinately need a vacation. It's a yiffstar fic."

"I don't know the fandom, but it must be terrible."

"It's Redwall. And yeah, it is terrible."
Soon, they had arrived at Naomi's RC again, their distraction serving them in good steed,
"So, how is the OFU coming?"
"Overrun by students and minis." Miss Kit scoffed at the thought. "Students! In my university!"
Naomi stared at Miss Kit.
"Aren’t students supposed to be in your university?"
Naomi entered her RC, greeted by the screaming of the holw as the froglike creature hopped towards them, from where it had clearly had been annoyed the bound and gagged Sues.
"Not on my watch! Bloody nuisance. But I must educate them."
Naomi picked up the holw, then handed it to Miss Kit.
"Yeah. Say, would this help in educating the students? It spawned from my last mission in That Series."
"Ohhhh, pretty!" Miss Kit stared at it. "Does it act as a cattleprod?"
"I don't know. I do know that is screams alot, and it came out from the Sue's throat."
The froglike holw screamed louder.
"I shall make it part of the staff and plant it in the student quarters! Good find!"
The holw looked up at Miss Kit, as if it understood, then hopped onto her shoulder.
"Cool, I think it likes that."
"Awwwww! It's cute in a hideous way." Kitsune held out her hand to Naomi. "Nice to have met you. My regards to your partner."
Naomi shook the hand.
"Thanks. I will let him know once he gets unsued. I think he would enjoy going visiting your OFU."
"As long as he doesn't visit while the minis are in heat." Miss Kit snapped open a portal. "Did you want a couple? I need Sam, but you can have some if you want 'em."
"I would love to, but well, I think that you could make a nice example for your students."
Naomi had a wicked grin on her face.
"Say, think I coudl get a mini?"
"I thought you didn't like foxes," Miss Kit said, raising an eyebrow. "But other than that, take as many as you can feed. They mainly eat peanut butter and olive oil. But not too much of the latter. Spontaneous combustion is a real bugger."
"Oh, I can stand them, but minis are not exactly foxes. They are demon foxes, a difference. And thanks. It jsut too bad we aren;t allowed to take them on missions.
“Sure. Here's a list." Miss Kit handed over a small yet very thick book, severely foxed and very demoned.
Naomi took the list and put it on the Console.
"Thanks. Now, do you have to head back now, or do you want to join me at the Cafeteria for a bit? "

Miss Kit looked thoughtful. "Well, how fast can we not find it?"
"Pretty Fast, especially if you hit the wall. Why?"
Naomi started to head for the door.
Miss Kit trotted after her, minis on her heels. "Just wondering."
Naomi headed aimlessly throught the hallys. "So, any trouble in teh OFU so far? I heard the the HFA had some problems."
Miss Kit sighed. "The students always cause trouble. Think they can beat the system. Hah!"
Naomi laughed.
"And you;re always there to stop them, no? That's great."
Behind them, in the now empty RC, the Console BEEPED!!!! as a new message arrived.
[A.N Naomie} Tjhat was a werid mision. I am deifnately not lookign forward to my next mission.
</lj>

Second Story: Of Agents and Sues

2006-07-04T18:31:05Z

This is my second PPC story, and second story in the series of Drake and Naomi, called "Of Sues and Agents and bad bad Sex". I Apologize for the bad name.

Disclaimer: I own only Drake and Naomi. The Redwall universe belongs to Brian Jaques. The Story, Of Warlords and PleasuresQueen Silth's Brood, the Marlfoxes –is thankfully not mine but belongs to Uoikih, The PPC is copyright to Jay and Acacia, the Original Agents.

Agent Drake stormed through the halls of the PPC, cursing in various languages, causing his partner Naomi to wonder where he had learned them; when she wasn’t trying to keep him from adding color to the gray halls of the PPC, that was. Soon, they had reached their Response Center. Drake stormed inside, and headed off to get the needed gear, while muttering,
“I’m going to skin that Sue alive, then kill her. I’m sure that the SO could use a fox Sue skin rug.”

Naomi sighed, then headed over to the console, then called up the report, to reread the story.
Drake’s muttering were interuppted by Naomi’s cursing.
“DRAKE!!! This story is awful. She causes several canon breaches, and... AN INCESTOUS ORGY!!!!!!!!!! DRAKE, NEXT TIME READ IT FIRST!!!!” Naomi reached for and downed some more Bleeprin. At this rate, she was going to need a bigger bottle.

Drake turned back towards his partner, loaded down with various pieces of melee weaponry. “And that is why she must die, painfully.”

Naomi stared her at partner, then shrugged. The fic must have pushed him over the edge and into murderous rage area. She went over to her closet and started sorting through her books, which mostly consisted of randomly grabbing an item, looking at it, then tossing it at the opposite wall.

“Baleth, how did that get in here, Order of the Phoenix, good book, also to badfic writers as well, Candles, will need them, finally, Marlfox.”
Having found the needed gear, Naomi headed past the still weapon-sharpening Drake.
“Since you volunteered us, I get to set the disguises, okay? “
“‘Kay, but lets hurry up.”
Drake stood up and rushed through the portal as soon as it opened. Naomi smirked, grabbed her gear then followed him through.

Mossflower Wood was silent as a portal opened (raising the question: if a portal opens alone in a forest, do any canon characters hear it?) and deposited two rats carrying spears and wearing backpacks.

Naomi looked around, then covered her ears as Drake finally noticed what the disguises were and opened his mouth to let her have a piece of his mind. Luckily for Drake’s mind, just he he was about to start ranting,
NOTICE: ALL CHARS USED IN THIS STORY ARE COPYRIGHT BRIAN JACQUES, AND ARE USED WITHOUT PERMISSION

The Author’s voice broke in, booming painfully from all directions, and causing both agents to try to shield their ears from the noise.
“IDIOTIC AUTHOR!! USING A NOTICE INSTEAD OF A DISCLAIMER!!”
Naomi shook her head. The Voice had temporarily deafened her partner, but she had to be sure, and whispered.
“What do you think of the Sue’s name?”
That did the trick, as Drake rage’s at the Sue overpowered his deafness.

“Fernflower? Foxmaiden? What kind of a name is that a for vixen? From what I have heard, the vixens here are evil, not nice, and they don’t have nice names. And I don’t think the Fernflower back at HQ would be pleased.”

Naomi started, and stared at her partner.
“Yes that’s true, and it is a charge that will be going on. Although I think that she needs a better name. Like say Deathflower, or Poisonflower.”
“How about Dead Vixen?”
“Drake, that is…. GET DOWN!” Naomi shoved Drake down behind a bush, and joined him as ahead of them two foxes joined another four at a blazing camp fire just ahead.

“Ahh, here we go Drake. So far, it seems all in canon, which just
makes it worse. Listen.”

A barbarian ferret had approached the fire and spoke.
“Aye, desebeasts be ready for killslay, much bloodspill. Kye arr!”

“This Suethor got the speech right and then writes this stuff. Charge her with
sueing when she has the ability to do otherwise.”

As the Sue was dragged out by a weasel and a stoat, Drake whispered to
Naomi, “Why does she still have her stuff? Wouldn’t the barbarians
have stripped her of it, and removed all valuables?”
Naomi nodded. “That’s true,” she replied. “Add it to the charge list. And dumbing down the barbarians, since I doubt they would let a captive keep items that could help her escape.”
“What?” Drake whispered fiercely, “Creamcolored fur and pretty and…..”
He stopped suddenly as Naomi sedated her partner with her backpack. She looked
over the Words that had promoted Drake’s outburst.

The vixen was young and very pretty. Her face was tearstained and she wore the ragged cloak of a Healer around her slim, creamfurred body.

“Drake’s right you know,” Naomi whispered angrily to the Suethor. “And trying to push away an axe on your throat that’s held by villains is not a smart idea.” Typical Sueness, unusual color, and
displaying uncommon stupidity, she added to the charge list.

“"I am Fernflower the Healer, marm."

Drake dragged himself back to awareness as Naomi was still cursing the
Sue as she claimed to be both a Healer and a Seer.“
“Drake, I doubt a band of barbarians would just trust six foxes, right?
Especially those who had proven before they had magical powers?”
“Most likely. I would have to say that would be a charge of uncommon
stupidity and not making sense. And look at the words. I knew it, the
Sue is no longer innocent. Now she’s a Vixen.”
“And a Charge for inconsistency.”

Naomi sighed, then halted. “Wait, Drake, we have the chance now.”
Naomi took out her CAD and pointed at the Sue.
[BEEEEEEP!!!!!!]
[Fern Flower . Non-Canon. Mary Sue, subspecies, Sueius Mysticuis
maidanius.]
Naomi nodded, then swept the CAD over the others getting
[Marlfox, Canon. Possessed.] for the 6 marfox siblings and the barbarian chief,
and for the two barbarian who had brought forth the sue, [Bit
character. Non-canon. Exterminate.]

“Inserting totally non canon things for barbarians.” This was Naomi’s
response as the ferret chief ran off his a marching band into the
woods, leaving the two bit characters behind, who became statues.

Drake nodded, then turned to Sally, his own Cad smoking a bit.
“Definitely out of character right now. OOC rating at 40%., Wait, 60%.”
The jump in OOCnes was caused by the Marlfox sibling going along with the sue’s plans to commit incest.
“What!!!?? Come one. We foxes are not that sex starved, you crazy, Suethor, you …” Here Drake’s words went into the realm of words that causes paper to catch on fire and some Sue’s heads to explode from trying to comprehend.
“And that is a charge of no logic, espeically as Predak previously had no intention of joining in the orgy.”

“That Sue! I’ll kill her!”
This time it was Drake who was restraining Naomi.
“Calm down Naomi. Easy. We’ll get her eventually.”
“I’ll skin her alive, I’ll gut her. I’ll tear her to pieces, I’ll feed
her to the teeth of the deep…..”
Naomi’s struggles faded as she grinned evilly, savoring that end.
Unfortunately…
[BEEPPPPP!!!!!] Drake’s CAD, which was still pointed at the remaining
Marlfox siblings as the sue and the Marlfox Mokkan had gone off alone
with the Sue, shrilled and short-circuited as the OOC rating reached
100%. The Marlfoxes had mentioned their father’s lovemaking, which was
definitely non-canon.
“That is not good. This is bad. We will have to get those bit
characters soon, although….” Naomi’s statement was directed at the sex
scene that was taking place.
Two throwing knives propelled by one outraged agent later, both bit
characters were dead, and the two bodies had been portaled into the
pool at the quarry.
In the meantime, Drake wrote down another charge (having
siblings commit incest with no reason) and looked up.
“Hang on, paragraph shift.”

The shift was odd, as the focus was still on two of the marlfoxes,
“Unnecessary paragraph shift when it wasn’t used before.” from Naomi.
“Never touched before? And she made it seem like they had sex
before. Weird. Another charge of inconsistency. And confusing PPC agents as well”

Another jump occurred, shifting to the same marlfoxes, as they watched,
and another, bringing them to Mokkan and Fernflower.
Drake and Naomi managed to get behind cover in time, although Naomi was
a bit distracted by Drake’s fur, which started to look a bit wilver to
her, but she dismissed it as a product of Suethor induced jump trauma.

“ Ascrod nudged her. "You still haven't told us what you're doing here, vixen." The Healer pulled a pouch from under her cloak. Chanting quietly to herself, Fernflower shook out its contents into the dirt; a few bones, five colored stones, shells, dried leaves, and a charm made from the tooth of a weasel.”

“I can’t believe it. She has to be one of the very rare seers in Redwall as well as a Healer. I plan on making her be dead next.”
“She’s a Sue. They are better at copying ideas then creating original
ideas. And be careful. She might be a great fighter as well, given her track record so far.”

The silver earring began to glow, but did not burn Mokkan's paw. The fox felt a strange warmth envelop him, and then a swift dart of pain raced through his body. The vixen held her paws higher, her voice becoming a holw which echoed around Mokkan's ears. Hot beams of light encircled him, and then a cold voice sounded. "Mokkan, my son, my son, my son, Mokkan."

Someday the gates of Dark Forest you will see,
But heed my words, listen to me.
Call upon the ghost of your father,
Let him guide you
'Twixt the laburnum and spreading oak
Is there he left his treasure

“What? Queen Silth’s mate didn’t have a treasure.”
“That’s true. And why hide it here, near Redwall, instead of near the island? It just does not make sense. “
“It does not, and also, the summoning was overly flashy, nothing like the normal Redwall magic. A charge for mucking with the canon’s magic is in place.”
“I would like to muck with her internal organs, if they do have them.”
Naomi paused, “Actually, not so sure if they have internal organs like we do. We will have to check at some point. But, on that point,”
Naomi took a breath then went on her rant.
“Bloody Suethors. Dear Martin, can’t they understand the history? And biology? At least here the partners are all the same species and size. I would hate to see the result of a badge mating with a mouse.“
Drake growled. “Such a travesty must be purged, if it does exist.”

Naomi glanced at Drake, a bit worried, as the wilver coloring was more
apparent now.
“You okay? You’re calm, despite the Sue…”
“I’m barely restraining myself. I really want to kill her, but , well,
better to do this the right way,” Replied Drake through clenched teeth.

"Ahh, look at what the Sue coughed up." Naomi looked up in time to see a screaming grop like creature emerge from the Sue's throat, then still screaming, it hopped towards Naomi, who caught it and looked it it.
"That has to be the holw from a throat. Most likely it came from misspelling a word. Most likely from one-handed typing. Nasty.”
Naomi shuddered.
“Really? Must have been in a hurry.”
“No, one-handed typing is… oh never mind, I don’t think you would get it.”

“I'll take it back to HQ. Maybe it can be used for something. Although, with its howling, maybe it can be used to drown out the Console?"
"You're cute, you know that? Here, I'll put you in my backpack. You can rest there, unlike my lazy vulpine partner."
Drake shrugged, dismishing his partner's actions with the holw, and looked back at the Sue.
They are about to have sex, should we go?”
Naomi stared, then nodded. Her voice was full of barely restrained
fury. “Lets go get her. We’ve seen enough.”

Fernflower was about to have teh hawt foxxeh sex with Mokkan when she
was grabbed from behind and pinned while a ratguard pinned Mokkan
to the ground, then knocked him out with her pack.
“Fernflower,” the rat who had grabbed her stated, “ I charge you with
being a Mary Sue, creating two bit characters, messing up Mossflower’s
history, annoying PPC agents with your stupid story, having an
inappropriate history, inserting your own prophecy, conspiring to destroy
Redwall’s walls, causing Marlfox siblings to have sex with you and each other, especially when they normally wouldn’t, and various counts of stupidity. For these and other crimes you are
sentenced to death.”

Fernflower looked confused, then grew panicked as the ratguard
pulled out a weird device and fiddled. Suddenly, she was thrust
forward into the portal by the second ratguard, and had a moment of pure terror before she hit the waters.

“Nice one, Naomi. That was great.”
Drake watched trough the portal as the Teeth of the Deep literally tore
the Sue apart.
Naomi stared at Drake, his fur was blindingly wilver, and on an impulse she
pointed her CAD at Drake.
“Beep. Drake. Non-Canon. Sue in progress.”

“Drake, you’re becoming a Sue!!!”
Drake gracefully dodged the incoming exclamation marks, then realized
what she had said, and blanched.
“Great, we have to get back to HQ, now!”
Noami sighed. “No, first we have to gather the others.”
Naomi opened a portal beneath Mokkan, then the other Marlfoxes, then
pushed Drake through and followed herself.

Naomi and Drake emerged in the PPC medical wing. Drake was quickly
attended to by Dr. Fitzgerald, ushered away from Naomi.
Once Drake had been left, and the characters were moaning over the interrupted sex. Naomi lit the candle she had gotten from her backpack, and help up the Marlfox box, then advanced upon the canon characters, holding up the book.
“Get thee behind me Suethor. The Power of Jacques compels you. Get THEE GONE!!”
Slowly at first, but then quicker, black wisps of smoke rose from the marlfoxes bodies, and merged into a vague spirit, the marlfoxes falling unconscious as the spirit left them.
“But, this was meant to be, I’m not fin……”
The thrown book hurtled through the spirit, interrupting it and shattering it.
Naomi let out a sigh of relief. The Marlfoxes were starting to stir. Naomi quickly scanned them with her CAD, then portaled the Marlfoxes back to the Redwall canon as they were back to normal, free of Suvian influences, until next time.
Naomi sighed, knowing that her job was not done and remembered her own distant past as a Suethor. She was brought back to reality as Dr. Fitzegerald approached.

“Drake should be fine, Naomi. I’m not so sure what happened, but it
can be treated. We are treating with massive amounts of Bleeprin,
which seems to have an effect, although it will be a while until he
will be able to go back on duty.”
Naomi cursed her luck, then as she was leaving, the holw got loose and streaked off, with Naomi in hot pursuit of it.

[A/N Drake: That was somthing. IT was scary to become a Sue, but drugged at moment, so will sleep.]
[A/N Naomi:That was a very scary mission, and that doesn;t include my partner turning into a sue. I hope it he doesn;t turn into a were-Sue. I really have to talk to him about not volunteering for such missions.]

Foxx hunt

2006-02-06T00:06:51Z

This is my first PPC story of Agents Drake and Naomi, and also my very first public story. I do hope my story adheres to PPC canon and you will enjoy it. After a very long time of working in spurts on the story, over a month, I am pleased to finally announce the first mission.

Disclaimer: I do not own the PPC. This fic is a spin-off of Jay and Acacia’s "Protectors of the Plot Continuum". Kishimoto Masashi owns Naruto. To repeat, I do not own Naruto, nor the concept of the PPC. I was given permission to do this spin-off though. I do not own The Tale of the Black Nine Tails.
Title: Foxx hunt
The fic I am PPCing is The Tale of the Black Nine Tails and can be found there.

Agent Naomi was in her Response Center jotting down ideas for a fic and waiting for her new partner to arrive. She was curious about her latest partner, having been told by the Sunflower Official that he was new to the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. She was curious as to how he would adapt to the way the PPC operated.
Naomi jotted down her ideas, racking her brain for a good plot. A tension seemed to fill the air, and it seemed as if some presence was watching her like a cat would, waiting for the right moment to pounce. An inspiration suddenly struck her, and she lowered her pen to write down her idea.
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*

Naomi sighed, getting up from her chair. Most likely, the person knocking was her new partner, who she was eager to meet. The Laws of Narrative Comedy had struck once again. Naomi often suspected that Upstairs used the Laws of Narrative Comedy to keep the agents in a killing mood. Her line of thought was interrupted by another knock on her door.
“I was instructed by Upstairs to meet new partner here,” came a voice from outside the Response Center. It sounded a bit odd to Naomi, although she did not know exactly why.
“Come on in.”
. The door opened, and in came a medium sized panda bear. Naomi stared at the panda, then she looked again at her new partner, when she realized that the panda bear was actually a stuffed toy. She was curious as to the reddish fox tail that showed from behind the other agent’s legs at times.
Her new partner peeked his head around the panda, looked around, then headed straight for a corner. He used a foot to clear away some of the junk there and dropped the stuffed toy down. Naomi stared at her partner. He was different from her last partner. Although he was dressed in the typical black clothing of Assassins, and wearing a cactus patch on his shoulder, he was not human at all. Naomi could best describe her new partner as a humanoid fox.
“I’m Drake. Are you Naomi? Those weird talking flowers told me come here and meet my new partner.”
Naomi was both puzzled and excited. Her new partner had finally arrived. That was great. She was also curious as to what he was, and also the most important issue, what his lust objects were.
“Yes. I am Naomi. I was wondering when you would arrive. May I ask who your Lust Objects are? A mission could come anytime.”
Drake removed his backpack he was carrying, and place it on the floor and stretched himself. “Well, there is …. ”
[BEEEEEEEEEEP]
Naomi muttered to herself. Silly rookies still made the mistake of getting comfortable, thus inviting the console to assign a mission.

Naomi hurried over to the console, Drake following her. Naomi acknowledged the mission and started going over the Words. It was a Naruto Mary Sue fic. She was interrupted by a growling close to her ear. Drake had read the Words and was showing some of the typical signs that a LO had been disturbed by the Sue. Naomi could tell by the way Drake’s ears had moved back, and his tail which had begun twitching was also stating his anger.
Naomi did brief scan of the Words, noticed the grammar mistakes and grimaced. As a goodfic writer, or a wannabe, she really disliked easily spotted grammar and spelling mistakes. She turned to Drake, who had bared his teeth.
“Come on then. Let’s get ready to go. This is a demon fox Sue, we should be prepared. Here, catch. I believe we will need these. ”
Naomi tossed a Character Analysis Device to Drake, and put on her backpack she had already packed while waiting. She then glided over to a locked box and unlocked it. She reached in and removed a belt with several vials, relocked the box and stalked in a predatory fashion back to the console
She saw that Drake had already packed away the CAD. She tossed him two double bladed kunai she had picked up on the way back.
“I think you will enjoy these.”
Drake managed to catch them before they dropped all the way to the floor, grinned, then packed them away.
“Thanks, but I already have a pair of nice weapons.”
Naomi activated the portal, set the disguises, grabbed the Remote Activator and stepped through the portal and into the fic with Drake following close behind her.

In a fog filled area , a portal formed. Naomi and Drake emerged, both disguised as random ninja. Naomi quickly covered her ears.
"Drake, cover your ears, quickly" she warned.
Drake was startled but complied, although he was a little late. Suddenly, from nowhere, a voice boomed:

Black Nine tailed Demon Fox. People vote for who you want Foxx to end with, Ita or Sasu? Or you want her to die with liking both? Please vote.
Don't own Naruto.

Once it was over, both Agents lowered their hands from their ears. Drake shook his head. The voice had been very loud and penetrating. Meanwhile, Naomi had removed pen and paper from her bag and started writing furiously.
"No clear disclaimer. Also, it could mean that the reader should not own Naruto. Also, the name is definitely not Japanese, and not very original. Foxx, I mean, can you be even more obvious? It would be like calling myself Assassin."
Naomi brightened suddenly and shouted out "Whatever they vote for, number three is going to happen!!"
Drake asked Naomi, “What was that? “
Naomi was reading the words at the moment. “Author’s Notes. They are always loud, and - POV SHIF…”

Naomi’s warning was a bit late, as suddenly,

”I was young around one. Someone found me after nii-san’s attack. I was
small
and friendly at that time when we all would be able to be happy. I was
called Kit often but my real Name Is Foxx. Brought up by the Uchiha
clan I
was working constantly just to keep up. I was different. People treated
me as dirt but I ignored it in front of people but cried when I was alone.
It was painful to watch people just glare at you. Sometimes I would have
instinct problems like one time I almost killed another student because
he picked a fight with me. I was against fighting. Until that day”

Drake was not prepared for the shift and felt sick, and he was unable to stay on his feet.
Naomi sighed at her partner. Rookies, they couldn’t stand such shifts as well as veteran agents. The time and location shift had not dumped them in the Uchiha manor, but outside. As Drake recovered, Naomi scanned their surrounding. They had ended up outside of the Uchiha Mansion, which was both good and bad for although the two Agents would be unable to spot what was going on inside, the Sue would not be able to locate them either.

Naomi read the Words, and stared at them. She could not believe her eyes! Foxx was apparently an Uchiha, had witnessed the Uchiha massacre, and had somehow survived. After that, she was given her own trainer and her own apartment, despite that in the Canon, Sasuke, the sole surviving Uchiha in Konoha did not get a trainer. She fingered her shuriken, and thought about embedding them somewhere in Foxx’s body.
“Unbelievable. She is more lucky than Naruto or Sasuke, and yet the author calls this her life going from upside down to broken. And she is setting up an angsty past, and she believes that her powers are a curse. Bloody typical Sue.”

Drake managed to snap out past his anger, “She seems to be like Naruto. Can we put that down? Please? I dislike Sues who emulate him. Don’t they realize who he is?”
Naomi looked at her partner. He was holding a weird weapon in either hand. Naomi was curious, not so sure she was seeing right. The weapons looked like very modified sporks.

Naomi stared, interested in her partner’s choice of weapons, then glanced back at the Words. “Look at the Words now. Ah, here we go when Foxx wakes up and discovers that most of the Uchiha clan is dead.”

Drake looked as well, and started to growl at the description. Foxx had black fox ears with red tips, a red tipped tail and red eyes, which Drake figured was something special, even in the Naruto verse. That, and she was fox-like, and he did not like Mary Sues that were fox-like. He stabbed the air in front of him with his weapons, his hackles were raised, and hew was filled with the typical anger of the enraged PPC agent.
Naomi frowned even more when Fox went about looking at the dead body. She was not even scared, it seemed. Her frown became a scowl when Foxx shook the body.

“What? How can she shake the body if she did not go over to it? The part with Itachi is okay, I guess, but, after that? What happened? And she is such a typical Sue. I am sure she will be searching for powerful weapons of the countries later on. Come on Drake. Let’s portal ahead. I am not so sure if you can handle the shifts coming up. Besides, I've already got the charges for everything that happens in the meantime."

Naomi brought out the RA and activated it, opening a portal which both agents stepped through. Naomi and Drake looked around, then ducked behind a conveniently placed obstacle as Foxx appeared, wear a black plastic garbage bag, a red cloak with outlines of pants on it, and a shiny headband collar.
Drake stared, then grinned and commented to Naomi, “A baggy? Ah, so that what it looks like.”
“Hush, there is someone with her. Check her with the CAD, Drake, and watch the volume.”
Drake unpacked his CAD and pointed it at the unknown female.
[BIP. Maria. Non canon. Bit character]
“A support character. We have to wait to kill her as she has further parts, Drake, but don’t worry, we will kill them both, and any other non-canon characters that are spawned. And the name is not Japanese. It is European and so not canonical. Dear Eru, why can’t they get the names correct for their location?”
Drake watched , then growled when he heard what the bit character said next.

“You gotta take the Chuuin exam in a couple of weeks!”

“What? Come on, why do you think they will take the Chuunin exam? And if Foxx is not the teacher, then that means that Team Seven is now a four Gennin team, which is wrong.”
Drake dropped to all fours, intending to sneak up on the Sue. What happened instead was Naomi smacking him on the head with her notebook.
“Hey, we can’t kill her yet. We have to wait. So, we can add CHANGING STRUCUTRE OF GENIN TEAMS to the charge list. ”
Drake cleared his head and looked closer at Maria, startled by what he saw.

“Hey, Naomi, why does she look like that?”
Maria was odd, having blonde and brown hair with cat eyes in it. Her dress was also odd, as she had a cap worn backwards, sneakers, a red rectangle device on her belt, five small red and white balls on her belt as well, and a larger red and white ball in her right hand.
Naomi looked at the words. The cat eyed hair was easily explained thanks to a missing comma.

A Girl with blonde and brown hair with cat eyes chased after Foxx.

The outfit confused Naomi, until she realized that she must be the personal Trainer of Foxx. Apparently a personal Trainer was a kind of Pokemon Trainer, instead of a personal trainer.

“I can not believe the bad wording, although it does make sense. She is basically a Ninetales. I mean, they don’t take the time to put in commas and look at what happens. Impossible biology occurs, although since this is Naruto, it is possible, although unlikely. I mean, we have a shark guy, so a girl with the fox ears and tails is possible, but it is unlikely for a normal character.”
Naomi sighed and took some Bleeprin. She truly hated bad grammar, although Bleeprin was a great reliever of that pain. Naomi downed more Bleeprin when Maria summoned Kakashi using a “Valume of Make out Paradise”, whatever that was. That went on the charge list, then

“Kakashi my student.” Said Maria.

Naomi stared long and hard then turned around, and began to beat her head against her thick notebook. Her Lust Object was Kakashi, and she needed to clear her head before she made the rookie mistake of trying to kill Foxx now
Drake stared at his partner, wondering why she was beating her head instead of trying to gnaw off a limb to escape, then he remembered that Naomi was human, not fox. Oh well, he thought and pulled out his own notebook and wrote down the charge of CHANGING HISTORY and MAKING KAKASHI MARIA’S STUDENT as well as another charge of CHANGING HISTORY.”

The two agents watched as the introduction scene occurred. It was okay, although the parts of the other members of Team Seven were ignored, which earned her the charges of IGNORING OTHERS and the charge of NOT STATING SPECIFFICALLY WHAT HAPPENED.
“She’s an Uchiha massacre survivor? Which one, although that can’t be right. Both survivors are male and she is female. I tell you Drake, I really dislike Suethors who mess up canon like this. And look, she is claiming she saw Sasuke die. Nice try, Miss Nine Tails, but since you had a person to train you, you should have known that Sasuke was still alive. ”
“Say, Naomi, what happened before she arrived? I read the manga, but should she not at least mention what happened before? “
“You’re right. But we already have that charge. I do want t check something.”
Naomi grabbed her CAD and aimed it at Kakashi .

[BEEEEEEEP! KAkashi. Human Male. OOC: 65.00013%. RED ALERT. CHARACTER RUPTURE IMMINENT.]. Naomi quickly muffled it. “65.0013% for Kakashi. Not good at all. “
Next, Naomi aimed it at Naruto.
[BEEEEEEEP! Uzuamaki Naruto. Human Male. OOC:6%].
It made sense, as Naruto was not the sharpest kunai at times.
Naomi glanced at Drake who seemed to be staring straight ahead, his eyes glazed, and muttering. “What, Foxx claims she was born like that. BORN LIKE THAT!! And she wears them in public? In Kohana, where it is very likely they would kill her, especially after the Kyuubi’s attack? Must KILL.”

Then a location and time shift kicked in, disorienting the agents as they were dragged through time and space to where the new Team Seven was escorting the bridge builder Tazuna to his village. Drake was once again hit with the pain of such a shift, while Naomi was also hit hard.
“Come on, Authoress, “ Naomi ranted up to the heavens, “Please warn us next time, at least for those readers who might not know or remember what happened?”

Drake was not feeling well, and so Naomi was required to watch the fight that occurred. The fight started out canonically, but changed when Kakashi was thrown into the air, Foxx was able to detect the poison by smelling it, and Foxx saved the day by knocking away one of the ninjas that was heading for Sakura and Tazuna.
“Canonical, and not canonical at the same time. Although in her favor, it is somewhat possible, so it does not warrant a charge, Drake. Although, her ability to sniff poison will hinder any plans to poison her.”
“ What is she, a dog? And she forgot about Naruto again. Why can’t they give him the respect he deserves?”
Naomi sighed once more as her partner got worked up over the insult to Naruto, who she guessed was one of his Lust Objects.
“Calm down. We don’t have enough charges yet, and it is only the first chapter. Calm down.”
Luckily for Foxx, Drake soon calmed down, although the evil grin he was wearing was not a nice one.
He yawned.
“Sorry, I’m tired. Mind if I sleep and you watch?”
Naomi was about to answer in the negative, when Foxx threw her tent up in the air instead of setting up.
“Nope, not yet. They are setting up camp; at least, I think they are. I mean, it is set up a tent, not threw it up. You set up a tent, not throw it up into the air. And let’s portal on to Zabazu’s attack. We’ll only miss Foxx and Sasuke talking. And a boat ride, which is best to skip. We would have nowhere to hide, and given her nose, I think she might smell your wet fur. And you might get to sleep later on”
That said, Naomi activated a portal, and pushing the yawning Drake in front of her, passed through it. Naomi watched as Naruto attacked a bush, Sakura yelled at him, Kakashi warned his team, Foxx ignored Kakashi’s orders, and Zabuuza arrived. A quick CAD scan of the characters showed that the canon Team Seven were about 40%, which was near a canon rupture.

She stared at the sword stuck to the tree. It wasn’t exactly natural to see a giant sword stuck in the tree with a man standing on it.

“Not natural? That is natural for Naruto. You are what is not natural.”

Naomi’s outraged shout reached Foxx, who swung her head around to locate the source of the noise, but Naomi had already ducked behind one of the trees.
Another time warp took place, skipping forward in the canon timeline to Kakashi was, trapped.
“No, no, no. You got the scene okay, but not what exactly happened. And its Justu, got it? “ Naomi was gnashing her teeth, very ticked by the bad spelling.
“Yes. Foxx got knocked out. And looks like time for chapter two.”
Silence greeted her. She looked around for her partner, but he was nowhere to be found. Naomi spotted her partner’s open backpack and headed over. Inside, she found a red colored fox curled up and sleeping peacefully. It was a nice, cute and a heartwarming sight to behold, fit to warm the heart of any normal person and make them let the fox continue to sleep.
Naomi grabbed the fox, and tossed him into the nearby lake. PPC agents were not normal people. A sputtering and soaking wet Drake rose from the lake where the fox had landed. Naomi stared, then shrugged.
“Come on Drake, let’s move. We’re going to portal past the first person view. I do not want to be stuck in Foxx’s head again if I can help it.”
Naomi opened the portal and stepped through, followed by the soggy and irritated Drake.

They arrived right at the point where the real Team Seven was reading a really complicated message from Foxx.
“That is silly. But then, she has nothing better to do, so I guess we do not have to charge that. But the author messed up again. Look, she made it fallow. ”
Sure enough, Team 7 had plowed and tilled the message as they fallowed it, not followed it.

Naomi looked at the words, and shuddered, and starting doodling in her notebook in an effort to block out the bad wording, while muttering “Punctuation. The right punctuation is needed or it does make sense at all. And we capitalize at the beginning of a new sentence. This is getting to be too much. And watch what you say. You just killed a canon character through the wording. And you must mean were, not where. And what is ‘unconfertable’? I think you mean uncomfortable. And it’s ‘I’m’, not ‘Im’. I doubt you are an instant message, although I wonder if that mith explain say so many sues.”

Foxx was bored until she heard a Foxx-chan!” she could tell it was Naruto and she ran at him. “naruto!” yelled Foxx to the boy. “can we go now? Please? Im unconfertable and- Sakura there’s a trap over there!” yelled Foxx. Sakura stopped dead were she was then a small alligator popped out trying to bite her foot.

Sure enough, Sakura stopped dead and an alligator tried to bite her foot, as Team Seven finally found Foxx.

Naomi looked on as Foxx raced into a house which appeared form nowhere, further bad grammar spoken by Naruto, and looked away from the Words and pulled out her emergency book from her backpack. Her emergency book was a paperback copy of Terry Pratchett’s Men at Arms, which she started to read. She had managed to read about a chapter before Drake broke in.

“Come on Naomi, let’s move on. Next part occurs in the night. So, portal?”
Naomi put away her book, and read the Words with a wary eye. “Definitely Portal, past that scene. I do not want to wait out here in the cold. She does rack up the charges of changing fox biology, as I doubt a normal fox is the size of two clenched fists, and CHANGING DEFINITION OF CANON MATERIAL. She becomes a nine tailed fox by using some kind of Beast Transformation. Although it is not called a Justu, so it might be okay, but still, it is changing canon. Beast Justu made Kiba more dog-like, and his dog Akamaru more human. ”
“What? Naomi, look at this. Fox flattened a spider using a frying pan, while she was in fox form, and in a bedroom. She is a small fox, as well as summoning the pan from nowhere. I doubt fox tails could hold up a frying pan. And she can talk while in fox form? I become a fox and I cannot talk. CHANGING BIOLOGY definitely has to go on the list. ”
Drake glanced at the words, then froze. He stalked over to a tree and banged his head one against the trunk before looking back at the words.
“No WAY! That is wrong. Very wrong. I’m killing her now and forget the rules. I can’t allow such an insult to stand.”
Drake stalked towards the house where Foxx was, growling, fur raised and tail swishing. He took four steps before suddenly deciding to take a nap instead. Naomi put down her backpack. She glanced over the words to see what had set Drake off on his rampage and quickly located it. It was not an official authors note, but it could be one.

(Foxes are a type of dog for those of you that think it is a cat)

“I can see why Drake wanted to kill you now, but we don’t have enough charges yet. We already have the biology charge, but we can get you with ANNOYING PPC AGENTS. Well, not many charges for a while, so I believe I can bring us to the Chuunin exams.”

Naomi opened a portal underneath Drake before jumping through herself.

They arrived in a flashback. They watched young Foxx interact with the young Sakura.
“Naomi, what happened here?”
“Flashback, although it was not clearly mentioned. And at five years old she learns the Beast Transformation? That might have been a charge if she was human, but since she is a demon fox, it is possible so it is unchargeable.”
Foxx showed off her new skill for Sasuke and Itachi, then,

“How come you have 5 tails?” asked Sasuke pulling one to see if it was fake but heard a whimper so he stopped. “I Don’t know…It kinda remember someone telling me that every year till I turn 9 I will continue to grow tails… (Usually its you grow one each 100 years but I’m doing it the other way --)

The author’s note was quieter than usual but it still was penetrating. Drake was upset. “What is the author thinking? Put down ignoring, no, slaughtering common sense, and knowingly changing the biology of Kitsune. ”
“I can put down the charge of SLAUGHTERING COMMON SENSE. We already have her for changing biology. Come on, lets skip ahead to the Chunnin exam.”

Foxx walked to the meeting place. “hey wheres Sakura?” asked Foxx. “She’s not coming.” Said Naruto down about it. “I think we’ll live…” Said Foxx walking through the doors.

Naomi broke down, and muttered various curse words about the Suethor.
“Why? Why? She just effectively replaced Sakura, which is so going on the charge list, and a good major canon breach we can get her. “
“Ah, Naomi, take a look at what has is happening with Lee.”
Indeed, even though Foxx had replaced Sakura, Lee was still in love with the female member of the sueized version of Team Seven, and was blowing kisses at Foxx, which she had dodged, although her comment was not nice.
“are you trying to kill me?” asked Foxx.

“Come on Drake, follow my lead.”
Foxx was ignoring the fight between Lee and Sasuke when two ninjas arrived and headed towards her. The kunoihci of the pair spoke first .
“Uchiha Foxx? We have something to tell you about in private, which is very important. “
“I can’t. I have to stay with my Team or they will fail the Chuunin Exam.”
The kunoihci sighed. “It concerns your brother. Please come with us.”
Foxx nodded and stood up and followed Naomi. Drake, with a confused expression, brought up the rear.

Foxx followed Naomi into an empty room, followed by Drake. Foxx was astonished and confused when Naomi locked the door, and was more than a little worried when she smelled the poison laced shuriken. Before she could react, the shuriken had hit her, and she fell to the floor paralyzed and weakened.

“The poison won’t kill you, Miss Uchiha Foxx, but it will let us our peace. We are from the PPC. You are charged with being a Mary Sue, committing various crimes and offences against the English language, messing up biology, altering canon, changing canon history, changing a canon justu, replacing a canon character for a canon event - in this case Sakura - slaughtering common sense, wearing a baggy, and annoying PPC agents.”
“You forgot to add you are charged with being fox-like.”
“"For these and other crimes, you are sentenced to death. Any last words, Foxx?”
When Naomi had finished, Foxx was back on her feet, although clearly not in the best condition.
“You can’t kill me. I’m the Kyuubi’s sis…”

With a growl of rage, Drake had flung himself at Foxx, and had attacked her. Naomi guarded the door, and watched in amazement as Drake and Foxx fought. Naomi looked on in amusement as Drake managed to gouge out one of Foxx's eyes with his combat spork. Naomi picked up and retrieved the eye as a souvenir. The fight soon turned into a fox-fight when both Agent and Sue went to animal form, which ended up with Drake lightly wounded, albeit covered in glittery Sue blood. Foxx had been torn to shreds. As Foxx died, canon rippled and returned to normal.
Naomi walked over to Drake and picked him up when he continued to shred Foxx’s remains.
“Enough Drake. Foxx is dead and canon is restored. Now change back, and then clean yourself.”
Drake changed back, and looked at the remains of Foxx, stilling growling. Then he turned, grabbed a bottle of mouth wash from his backpack and begun the process of cleaning his mouth. “Sues taste awful”
Naomi activated the RA, opening up a portal underneath the remains of Foxx sending them to Forest of Death. Naomi made sure Drake removed as much of the Sue blood as he could then opened up another portal to head back to HQ.
Naomi and Drake emerged in the response center. Drake sighed, and let his backpack slide off.
“I’m glad that was over. Foxx was annoying. I can rel…
The Console’s [BEEEEP] ] coincided with Naomi’s backpack hitting Drake in the head.

[A/N Drake: First mission, although Partner is deadly with a backpack. I can’t stand Sues that have to do with foxes or snakes. I don’t like snakes, and I don’t like when Sues disrespect foxes by being fox-like. ]
[A/N Naomi: It seems I have a rookie. Guess the odds are whether the Sues get him, or his partner. If I made a bet, I would put 5 bottle of Bleeprin on partner.]
[A/N Glossary:
A kunoichi is a female ninja in the Naruto verse.
Justu is a ninja technique which involves using charka to cause effects to happen. Handseals are usually required to activate Justus.
Kunai: fighting knife in the Naruto verse.
Chakra: combination of spiritual and physical energy.
THe badfic can be found here http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2701441/1/ .
]

Ah, first time

2006-01-27T00:57:31Z

Well, my first entry. To those from the PPC posting board, I am planning to put my stories here, when they come out that is. This one is goign to be short, since I am nervous and all, but hope to become used to public display. Well, college was okay today, although thought about some things that have worried me, btu otherwise my day went okay.